Bachelor Uncle Brands – Bang & Olufsen

It has all of the Weezer CD’s in order of best to worst.

Bang & Olufsen has to be run exclusively by Bachelor Uncles. Their designs are elegant and modern, but they are out there. Their obsession with glass, steel and wood fits in great with contemporary and mid century architecture, but they do not have soft lines. They really understand that a device should look good when it’s not in use.

So today I want to share with you some really amazing Bang & Olufsen designs. One day, I hope to own more than just my Beosystem 10, B&O’s take on the boombox.

Let me share with you the beauty. All of these are real products, that are gorgeous but stupid fucking expensive. Bust out your wallets, cuz we’re gonna go check out the BEO!

No line is out of place. It is beautiful. The fact that it does anything, is amazing. But B&O stuff tends to just as functional and full featured as more pedestrian brands.
See that circle on the wood legs? It looks a lot like the Harmon Kardon Onyx series, but it sounds 1500 times better and looks like you exclusively fuck Russian models.
This is a DVD player. I know. WHAT?! Yup. This is a DVD player. It looks like something off the USS Voyager, but nope, it’s a DVD player. Even their obsolete gear looks amazing.
This is how it opens. The sides slide open, a glass top pops up and the DVD is ejected to you elegantly. I want to watch anime on this.
I will never be able to buy this TV, but fuck, I really want it. Look at it. It’s gorgeous. TVs are the hardest design element in current interior design, because no matter what you do, or what vibe you go for, you’re going to have an ever increasing black hole in your decor. B&O really knows what it’s customers want.
This is how they do landlines in 2019. Ring Ring Ring Banana Phone.
These are their vintage phones. A timeless design classic. I really want one of these. I almost bought one once, but I couldn’t justify paying 100 bucks for a landline phone.
In the ’80s, their speakers were chrome and cool. These are for sale right now on OfferUp by me and they taunt me daily.

Here’s the thing. These designs do NOT sell well. They are not focus grouped. These are functional, beautiful designs that stand the test of time. They never DON’T look cool. Even 35 years later, my Beosystem 10 looks clean and modern. It is an engineering and design marvel.

Beosystem 10. Amazing.

This is the essence of Bachelor Uncle design. Singular. Quirky. Timeless. But ultimately unsuccessful. I hope Bang & Olufsen last forever. They’re just the fucking best. One day I will be rich enough to outfit my home in only B&O electronics. They look amazing. They sound amazing. They’re fun to operate. Truly, the rich get everything.

Even their old CRT TVs look amazing. I’d play Sega Dreamcast on this for hours.

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