The Aesthetic Perfection of: Vintage Porn (NSFW)

Look how perfectly they nailed the lighting behind that plant in front of the octagon mirror? Amazing.

Bachelor Uncle turns 1 year old this month. Wow! Time flies. I’ve had so much fun writing this blog and today we’re going to introduce a new feature that will show up regularly on here.

It’s called “The Aesthetic Perfection of” series where I will dissect a particular topic, movie, TV show, whatever, and really get nitty gritty on why something is aesthetically perfect (in my opinion, but everything on this website is my opinion).

Which I guess brings us today’s topic. Vintage Porn!

Do you think The Plugz ever went on to great musical acclaim?

I’m not going to get into the ethics of pornography (it’s bad). I’m not gonna debate whether porn is healthy or regressive. There’s a lot of talk about that on blogs that pretend to have a deep moral compass and know more about social issues than I do. This is an interior design blog that laments the disappearance of sunken living rooms and wood paneling. You’re probably not gonna get a hot take here.

Porn is bigger than ever, but you could probably say that about every year ever. It’s to the point with Snapchat and OnlyFans that just about everyone you know produces porn content. But there was a time when porn seemed almost like hallowed ground. Weird, quasi-film productions sold in seedy buildings by tattooed misanthropes. And it was during this period where porn really got it’s own aesthetic language.

There seemed to be a real attention paid to how shots were framed, how the scenes were lit, and most importantly for this blog: The interior design.

Soft lighting and plant life features heavily in vintage porn.

Cool cars, beautiful women, hairy dudes, and upper middle-class homes really make the core backbone in this era of pornography. There’s a certain amount of glamour involved that doesn’t exist in today’s porn flicks.

Today’s movies are all shot in high def on a cell phone in some dude’s shitty apartment or a hotel room. They’re graphic and hardcore with zoom ins of wet throbbing body parts. And yeah – it gets the job done – but it lacks context and artistry.

Oh look. Just a nice family dinner with a whole ass cake and some of the most foreboding lighting ever put to film.

Vintage porn movies were expensive. Sometimes 50 dollars per tape. They usually had run times equal to that of feature length films. And that’s just it. They were films. They had story and context and reasons for existing. And one of the ways they told these stories was through interior design.

Porn is about fantasy, ultimately, and so it tried to create semi-plausible narratives that the audience could possibly see themselves engaging in. An idealized version of themselves. It was aspirational in a way. That if you got that Lincoln Continental or had that perfect bachelor pad, this could be the life you’re living. The interior design was more than just places to fuck, it informed you of who these characters were. And, somehow, these movies really nail an aesthetic that is now almost impossible to find.

Every guys fantasy. Two big haired women in front of a matchy-matchy brown pattern explosion.

There’s a richness to the spaces that these characters inhabit. It’s heavy but soft. Masculine but clean. These are environments where people like to fuck and get dirty, but they’re not seedy and unsafe. They’re inviting and a little dangerous.

Excuse me miss, but I mustache you a question.

Look, procuring old porn was an investment. You had to drive to an awful part of town, walk into a store filled with god-knows-what and browse the selections. There was no internet to tell you what was good or not. So you relied on covers, actors/actresses, production companies and word of mouth. But who were you talking to about porn? I feel this is a social aspect of sexuality that is missing today. With access to everything at your fingertips instantly, are we missing something in the ritual? In the risk of being caught buying porn by our friends and family? It must have been absolutely thrilling.

This one was filmed like an ’80s music video.

So what do we do? These movies were long because most people could only afford 5 or 6 tapes a year. They had little sexual vignettes tied together with a loose cobbled-together narrative. The story was just a vehicle to get you from one sex scene to the next. But it’s in those little narrative moments where the beauty and uniqueness of vintage porn really shines through.

A brand-new (for the time) Lincoln Continental driving through a pathway adorned with roses? Are you kidding me?

In the ’90s I found my Dad’s bag of porn tapes. It was in a little weird Arby’s lunch bag and it was full of weird old stuff. That was really my first exposure to these things and it was fascinating. You knew you weren’t supposed to be watching it, but it wasn’t some violent movie with gore and dismemberment. It was adults expressing affection and intimacy. It was a basic human need and seeing this stuff for the first time was confusing and enthralling. (sorry mom).

Velvet couch. Wood paneling. New colonial artwork? We’re definitely in the ’80s.

Now a-days all the narrative context you get for a porn clip is the brief subject line description on Pornhub. It’s no wonder that there is no attention paid to story, character or interior design. Despite the poor acting, vintage pornography is hazy and charming and goofy, which makes it endearing and approachable and somehow more intimate. And a lot of that has to do with the aesthetic choices.

This almost looks like a painting.

Which brings me back to the point of this post. Look, your house doesn’t have to look like a porn set (though it would be cool if it did). But the white-washing of design and the farmhouseification of everything is a total boner killer. I love seeing the emergence of things like cottage core and vaporwave because they are inherently sexy and warm places. Places that inform you of who lives in them and thus makes you feel closer to them. They are intimate because they possess personality.

Guys. I know you’re really busy, but when you’re done, can you please appreciate the french doors and perfect plant locations?

So in conclusion, make sure you take fuckability into account when designing your spaces. Remember that design is sexy, narrative is intimacy and vintage porn is stupid and beautiful (in it’s own way.)

As always – down with the white wall.

22 thoughts on “The Aesthetic Perfection of: Vintage Porn (NSFW)

  1. I was wondering if anyone knows what happened to Dimepiece LA celebrity streetwear brand? I cannot check out on Dimepiecela site. I’ve read in Teen Vogue that they were acquired by a UK-based hedge fund in excess of $50 m. I’ve just bought the Dimepiece Hotel Unisex Heavy Blend™ Crewneck Sweatshirt from Ebay and absolutely love it xox

  2. By way of introduction, I am Mark Schaefer, and I represent Nutritional Products International. We serve both international and domestic manufacturers who are seeking to gain more distribution within the United States. Your brand recently caught my attention, so I am contacting you today to discuss the possibility of expanding your national distribution reach.We provide expertise in all areas of distribution, and our offerings include the following: Turnkey/One-stop solution, Active accounts with major U.S. distributors and retailers, Our executive team held executive positions with Walmart and Amazon, Our proven sales force has public relations, branding, and marketing all under one roof, We focus on both new and existing product lines, Warehousing and logistics. Our company has a proven history of initiating accounts and placing orders with major distribution outlets. Our history allows us to have intimate and unique relationships with key buyers across the United States, thus giving your brand a fast track to market in a professional manner. Please contact me directly so that we can discuss your brand further. Kind Regards, Mark Schaefer, marks@nutricompany.com, VP of Business Development, Nutritional Products International, 101 Plaza Real S, Ste #224, Boca Raton, FL 33432, Office: 561-544-0719

  3. I oversee a vape store web directory and we have had a posting from a vape shop in the United States that additionally sells CBD goods. A Calendar month later, PayPal has contacted use to claim that our account has been limited and have requested us to take away PayPal as a payment method from our vape store directory site. We do not offer for sale CBD product lines such as CBD oil. We simply provide marketing and advertising solutions to CBD firms. I have looked into Holland & Barrett– the UK’s Major Wellness Merchant and if you take a close peek, you will see that they supply a surprisingly extensive variety of CBD goods, particularly CBD oil and they also happen to accept PayPal as a payment solution. It seems that PayPal is employing twos sets of rules to different companies. Because of this restriction, I can no longer take PayPal on my CBD-related site. This has constricted my payment options and now, I am seriously dependent on Cryptocurrency payments and straightforward bank transfers. I have consulted a barrister from a Magic Circle law office in The city of london and they explained that what PayPal is undertaking is absolutely illegal and inequitable as it ought to be applying a consistent benchmark to all firms. I am still to speak to another attorney from a US law practice in London to see what PayPal’s legal position is in the USA. For the time being, I would be highly appreciative if anyone here at targetdomain could offer me with different payment processors/merchants that work with CBD firms.

  4. I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish.
    nonetheless, you command get bought an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following.

    unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this
    hike.

    Visit my blog hemp bombs cbd gummies (Luigi)

  5. Does anyone know what happened to Dime Piece LA celebrity streetwear brand? I cannot proceed to the checkout on Dimepiecela site. I’ve read in Teen Vogue that the brand was acquired by a UK-based hedge fund in excess of $50m. I have just bought the Dimepiece Control the Guns Not Women’s Bodies Cuffed Beanie from Amazon and absolutely love it xox

  6. Tips Memenangkan Slot Online Dalam Dunia Langsung
    Saat berbicara tentang alternatif casino, ada teknik untuk hampir banyak
    sekali jenis permainan, contohnya Tips Memenangkan Slot Online.
    Baik itu penyortiran limit di bakarat, mengestimasi kartu di blackjack atau menempatkan judi sudut di
    roulette, semua orang pernah menjejaki setidaknya satu
    yang mewakili ini.

    Tapi bagaimana karena slot? Apakah ada taktik untuk membantu Kalian menang saat
    bermain slot online, lebih spesifiknya Slot Online?

    Hari ini, kami ingin memandu Anda menggunakan kiat terbaik kepribadian abdi untuk membantu Bettor keluar dari Slot
    Online sebagai pemenang!

    Mulailah ialah Uang Anda
    Sebelum Anda duduk dan menemukan Slot Online apa juga, Anda
    harus memutuskan bankroll Anda. Uang Mereka adalah uang untuk Anda senang pasang dan dapat rutinitas tanpanya.
    Sekarang, Pejudi TIDAK PERNAH menggunakan kredit yang disisihkan buat tagihan, sewa,
    menunaikan pembayaran hipotek, biaya perguruan tinggi,
    dll. Hanya biasakan bermain pendapatan yang dapat dibelanjakan yang dapat Anda lakukan dengan bahagia.

    Setelah Anda menetapkan jumlah ini, Pejudi perlu memutuskan berapakah lama Anda mempunyai keinginan bermain. Sebagian besar perjudian memiliki batas bettingan per putaran,
    meskipun demikian beberapa di antaranya bisa mencapai seratus.
    Jika uang Teman-teman hanya 1. 000 maka Anda tidak bisa ingin memainkan segmen taruhan maksimal
    berkat Anda hanya untuk memiliki 10 putaran sebelum uang Petaruh habis dengan kesimpulan semua taruhan tak mungkin menang taruhan.

    Sebagai gantinya, telitilah bermain game yang mana ukuran taruhan yang lebih
    kecil. Marilah tetap berpegang pada bankroll 1.
    000 dan juga katakanlah Anda telah memutar gulungan ketika tiga jam.
    Player sedang hingga ringkas akan melakukan taksiran 40
    putaran tiap-tiap menit. Untuk bermain yang mana 1.
    000 saat tiga jam memberikan 40 putaran belalang jarum biku
    menit, Anda melihat ukuran taruhan 0, 13 per episode.

    Apabila anda sudah melakukan perhitungan ketika melihat seberapa hampir semua
    Anda butuhkan saat dapat bersenang-senang, silahkan Anda dapat mewariskan ke langkah berikutnya – memilih
    permainan bagi dimainkan.

    Memahami Tips Meraih kemenangan Slot Online
    Game Judi Slot Yang mana Terbaik untuk Dicoba?

    Demi strategi menang sampai Slot Online ini, diri hanya melihat Slot Online, jadi kami untuk meninggalkan game yang tidak sama dengan slot.
    Meskipun kamu dapat memungkinkan Pejudi untuk bermain lebih nyaman dan memenangkan lebih banyak dalam proses sebab RTP mereka.

    Sekarang, konsetrasi pada RTP & level volatilitas sebentar
    saja di sini. Bertambah besar RTP, semakin banyak keuangan yang akan dibayarkan slot online kepada pemain dalam sesi.
    Semakin asusila volatilitas, semakin selalu Anda mendapatkan kemenangan. Selain itu, permainan volatilitas memang lebih rendah condong tidak memiliki kemenangan paling maksimal.
    Tetap berpegang pada pertaruhan dengan volatilitas tentu RTP
    yang benar-benar murah hati.

    Pikirkan Tentang Strategi Anda Bermain Slot Online
    Alhasil, Anda harus memutuskan seperti inilah
    Anda ingin bergabung. Memainkan strategi Lajang Line dapat secara drastis mengurangi upah untuk mendapatkan kemenangan tinggi, tetapi dalam
    prosesnya, itu meningkatkan volatilitas. Misalnya, di
    sangat banyak permainan, taruhan luar biasa adalah 50 dan juga kemenangan maksimal yaitu
    dengan 250. 000.

    Namun, bagi yang mengubah garis taruhan menjadi satu garis pembayaran, Anda mencari
    tahu taruhan maksimal 5 dan kemenangan besar 50.
    000. Yang sudah di jelaskan sebelumnya adalah penurunan beban 10x dan reduksi nilai kemenangan terbaik 5x, tawaran guna cukup bagus, bagi yang bertanya kepada aku.

    Didalam sana Anda memilikinya. Jika Anda mengikuti ciri khas
    ini, Anda sudah meningkatkan peluang Kamu untuk bersenang-senang saat
    bertaruh Slot Online. Tidak tertulis strategi
    nyata sehingga dapat Anda ikuti, makanya kerjakan saja aktivitas rumah Anda, kerjakan matematikanya dan memperhatikan itu masuk akal untuk Anda.
    Lagi pula, pasang taruhan di kasino online seharusnya asik.

    Memberantas itu, semuanya perihal tergantung pada pendapatan. Namun, jika Anda bertaruh dengan konsisten pada mesin slot guna
    tepat, kemenangan percaya akan selalu di pukulan Anda setiap permainan. Teman Anda boleh
    jadi terus-menerus mengejar slot online yang salah & mengeluh tentang nasib buruk mereka.

    Akhirnya, Jauhi bermain pada instrumen slot yang
    hanya dengan membuang sebagian besar biaya taruhan Anda.
    Melainkan Anda mengetahui bahan bahwa mesin yang sudah di jelaskan sebelumnya memiliki RTP yang lebih
    tinggi dibanding yang lain, kemungkinan alat tersebut memiliki
    RTP yang lebih kecil, dan itulah suatu alasan orang tersebut kelepasan uangnya.

    Semoga artikel selanjutnya tips yang aku jelaskan dapat penting untuk setiap permainan games online.
    Dengan kemauan semua pemain bisa merasakan hiburan maksimal dari setiap
    hasil maksimal.

  7. I’m impressed, I must say. Seldom do I encounter a blog that’s
    equally educative and amusing, and without a
    doubt, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is something that not enough
    men and women are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy
    that I found this in my hunt for something relating to this.

Leave a Reply to area52.com Cancel reply