Vintage Minimalism – Bachelor Uncle Sunday

Can you imagine the coifed hair of the proctologist that has this waiting room?

Current design trends are rife with minimalist designs. Marie Kondo is a scourge of locusts that has descended upon the landscape that is personal expression. “Hold your objects and see if they spark joy, and if not, throw it out.”

Pardon my french, but, Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Nothing offends me more than this desire to rid ourselves of everything, replace our entire collections of movies, games, music, etc. with digital files that all sit in our smart phones. I used to be really all about the tiny house movement until I realized that it’s just the elites trying to literally sell us less for more money.

This is a real place in Phoenix, AZ that everyone creamed their jeans over.

Do you know there are people out there who have spent over $100,000 for a glorified shed with shelves built into the stairs? The scariest part of ‘Ready Player One’ is how close we are to The Stacks becoming a real thing where future generations will live.

This is where they want us to live guys. This is all they want us to be able to afford.
This is the face of new affordable housing.

Gone are the grandiose visions of communal arcologies of Paolo Soleri and Buckminster Fuller. They’ve been replaced with the bleakness of uninteresting shipping containers filled with white walls of nothing.

This could have been our future.

Minimalism isn’t all bad. Consumer culture is destroying the planet. There is something to be said for organization and living without clutter. Not every single house needs to look like it was designed by Iris Apfel.

There was a time when minimalism still allowed you to express your personality through color, lighting, design and placement of furniture. Bachelor Uncles come in all shapes and styles. Some are goofy-ass conversion van loving hermits who live in a tree house. Some are classy mustachioed rapscallions who love a glass of wine and weird jazz records. Some are sweater wearing nerds enthralled by the latest gizmo and gadget.

And there is a minimalist Bachelor Uncle. For sure.

This is how minimalism should look. This is how it should feel.

Look, if you’re going to embrace a minimalist lifestyle, then I beg you to think about doing something, anything, with the negative space. Use color, texture, unique lighting, funky furniture design to spice up the space. Express yourself. Make it look and feel like you. You’re not a mindless nobody house-sitting for the future owner of your home.

I want to spend the rest of my life in this room.

You’re not a hapless nothing beholden to a landlord. You’re a person imbued with an unreplicable personality teeming you’re own innate sense of style and creativity. Do not hide this from the world because some Netflix show made you throw out your stuff.

We need you in this fight. Down with the white wall.

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