Intro to Art Deco, Vol. 1

Cocaine must smell really good.

I love writing titles like the one above because it makes it seem like I know what I’m talking about. Let me be clear – I don’t. I’m not a scholar. I’m a dude who’s pissed off about the lifelessness of modern interior design. My whole life I’ve been attracted to things that people think are old, or dingy, or kitschy. I bristle at this assertion because I don’t think it’s true.

When I look back on the interior design of history (except for pioneer days), I’m struck with how many different colors, patterns, textures and styles there were. We live in an age where we can 3D print anything. We can have Chinese and Bangladeshi companies bang out one off rugs or furniture with the quick upload of a computer file. You can go on Fiverr right now and have 500 struggling musicians write you your own theme song for the cost of lunch.

Given all the tools and technology that globalization and communication have given us – we could have supremely personalized homes. We can create ANYTHING we want easier than ever and yet everyone’s dream house looks like this:

I love your three pictures of close up pubes. What the fuck is going on on that table on the right? And look at that tiny, tiny rug. Pathetic.

Meanwhile, in an age where the car was hand cranked and could be outrun by a kid with polio, they were somehow able to craft interiors like this:

More like fart deco, amiright?

Like, I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed that a largely agrarian culture who’s entire sphere of influence was 30 miles were able to create such beautiful, ornate and grand spaces. While we here in 2019 can’t even fit our couches on a fucking rug. SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK GUYS!

Did we forget how to dream? Did we all succumb to a national stroke that robbed us of our vibrancy? I mourn for the loss of entire vocabularies of self expression. We have lost every color and shade that makes our homes, and subsequently, our lives, beautiful. We have become so insecure that the white wall, while not compelling, at least it doesn’t tell on us? At least it keeps our secrets. At least it doesn’t make me feel shy.

Art Deco is big and bold and ornate and beautiful. It focuses on brass and gold accents. Marble tile and seemingly endless bookmatched wood paneling. It climbs towards the ceiling and spreads out when it gets there. It’s decadent and stately. It believes in you, even when you don’t.

Art Deco is who we deserve to be.

Home Goods is who you are when you shart your khakis on the way home from work.

1 thought on “Intro to Art Deco, Vol. 1

  1. I have that same IKEA couch but I have way more color and excitement around mine with items from the Los Prados dumpster surrounding it.

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