Hexagon Shelves – WTF Wednesday

A hexagon shelf full of essential oils. This picture screams Facebook message from stay-at-home mom you went to high school with.

In a few years, we’ll never remember that this micro-trend ever happened. It will be lost to time the way HitClipz or the Chumby was. A flash in the pan, that never amounted to much and was gone before anyone noticed.

If you want to talk about the waste of a modern civilization – hexagon shelves is the ultimate in conspicuous consumerism. First of all, you’re not a fucking bee. Your stuff isn’t honey. Stop being a fucking weirdo and get a shelf. May I suggest an etagere? Those are cool and timeless. I like the brass Milo Baughman ones, but you can do whatever you want. Mix it up.

I’m not like other walls.

Sometimes you see things, like sea urchin wall art, and you just need to know how it started? Was it some weird rogue blogger and instagram star who threw a fucking hexagon on their wall and everyone was like “OMG, So Fetch!” If that’s the case, I need to start an instagram page to bring about the sunken den.

Anyway, the thing that sucks so bad about the hexagon shelf is just how ephemeral it is. It’s a mid-movie dick joke that is just there to move the plot along. No one will remember it, no one will quote it, it’s the movie “Good Boys”, but for your wall. Go ahead, Google “Good Boys” and go “ohhhh yeah. I don’t remember that.”

And it’s not just ephemeral – it’s pointless. No one puts anything good on these shelves. It’s always garbage. It’s always pure trash. It’s essential oils or weird plants or more wood and twine balls. It’s a vacuous honeycomb of inanity. A whole hive of non-expression.

Plastic Banzai? Yup. Jar full of strange? Hell yeah. Old camera with no lens? You must have loved the shit out of Fleet Foxes huh?

Some asshole tried to combine the hexagon shelf with the geometric polygon lamp aesthetic and came up with the abortion above. Here’s what I need you to understand. I desperately need you to understand this one simple fact.

66% of all Millennials have nothing saved for retirement. Not a dime. That means that there is a large intersection of people who have no retirement but have stupid useless fucking hexagons on their wall that will wind up in the trash last week. Total and utter garbage.

Oh look. Shelves full of nothing.

I will continue to preach this. Hexagon shelves are for no one. They’re benign and trendy. They will be gone before we know it. Your home should tell me something about you. Your home should be filled with artifacts of your personality and unique take on the world. The hexagon shelf is a beaming homage to your insecurities and your cloying need for acceptance. This is not what you want to advertise about yourself.

The only way to truly create something new and unique is to do something new and unique and face failure and scorn. Something you create might not work, and might look awful. But at least it’s something. Following an instagram trend of washed out filters and hazy shelves full of succulents is disrespectful to hungry kids in Africa.


Suggestion of topic by the wonderful Alix Monty.

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