Erotic Art is a Yes. Don’t Be Scared of Dicks, Dude.

There’s a lot to unpack here.

Human beings are born naked, did you know that? You probably forgot cuz it was a really busy time when you were being born, but, it’s true. I’m also, like, 100% sure you were created by people getting naked and bumping uglies. That means, before you ever suck in any air, everything about you is all about the naked human body.

Throughout history we’ve been fascinated with boobs, butts, vaginas and penises (Penii?). I’m convinced Renaissance painting is just high class pornography.

“Come here, big boy. Let’s eat grapes and make my sister really uncomfortable.” she coos coyly while her handmaid yells at the younger sibling for puking in the mystery box.

If there is something that is sorely missing in modern interior design, it’s tits and dicks. The “free love” era of the late ’60s led to a period of fertility and virility being reflected in the art and fashion of the ’70s. Bronze statues of people straight boning were considered high art. Shocking, controversial and perfect for setting a mood.

But modern interiors better resemble hospital waiting rooms that lack sensuality entirely. This has led to a sterile environment devoid of some of the most basic desires of human life. No wonder people are progressively agitated and sexually frustrated. No wonder closet kinks are becoming more mainstream. We just don’t encounter healthy sexuality and the expression of love through out the course of our day.

We used to be able to appreciate the human body without shame, but now all we do is feel shame. Shame in how we look. Shame in the proportions of our bodies. All of us are either too big, too little, too short, too tall. To quote Carly Rae Jepsen on her 2019 banger, ‘Dedicated’, we’re all “Too Much”.

Can you imagine the lengthy letter you’d get from your HOA for this one?

The Japanese are closely associated with weird pornography and Hentai. People point to weird tentacle porn and naked school girl comic books as evidence of Japans weird obsession with sexuality, but what if I told you, they’ve always been weird?

Japan’s fucking weird and awesome.

Behold. Shunga. Just look at it. Ancient Japanese hardcore raw dogging. Isn’t it beautiful? No. It’s not. But because it’s old, it’s cultural and important and you can display stuff like this and act superior to all your friends, who will only see a dude wearing a curtain banging out a girl next to an egg basket.

Here’s a real power move. It’s one thing to have a statue of a naked lady, or a painting of some breasts, but if you want to be a real boss, make sure you incorporate some dicks in there, bro. For centuries the penis, and other phallic symbols meant power and virility. It meant you were a real man. If you wanted to show what a top-shelf total Chad you were, you’d have dicks everywhere.

But modernity has created a masculinity so fragile, so scared of being accused of homosexuality, that a lot of men can’t even look at their own dicks or wipe their own butts. I have a bidet, and it’s amazing, but I know men who think that a “bidet will turn you gay”. Pathetic.

Here’s two of the dicks I use in my own interior decorating.
Look at these lovers and their sweeping pose, and the low quality casting that makes his dick come out of his thigh! Look at it’s majesty!

Clearly, I am an advocate for the return of sexuality in your interior design. The human body is beautiful. We should see it more. We’re all adults now, and tittering at a penis or a boob is beneath us. So my challenge to you, is to incorporate erotic art into your home. Really celebrate your sexuality all through your house. Put a nude up. Get a naked sculpture. It can be a photograph, or a painting. It can be ceramic, bronze, resin, whatever you want.

Nothing can make your home more beautiful than artistic representations of naked people.

I bought this off a bachelor uncle in a trailer park in South Phoenix for 10 bucks. OfferUp sends me on so many adventures.

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