Do Anything Else – Walls Edition

Okay maybe not this, but still.

Today we’re going to talk about things you can do with your walls. I keep saying “Down with the white wall” for a reason. I’m so fucking sick of white walls. In an effort to practice what I preach, I will be doing something with my walls soon, but until then, let’s throw some love to different wall ideas!

The Great Recession has created an entire generation of renters, too scared to buy a home, terrified of commitment and investment. This group of people watched an entire decade of prosperity whittle away while they worked unpaid internships or service jobs long enough to make them bitter and soulless. Nothing breaks your spirit like an 10 hour shift at PetSmart followed by an evening of serving Jello shots to sports fans until 3am.

I count at least 5 different wall textures here.

So we have a generation of renters patting themselves on the back for their lack of investment, bragging about their avoidance of the next great recession and hyping up their supposed freedom. But here is a nugget of truth I want you to take with you for the rest of your life.

There is no freedom in poverty.

Dave Ramsey once said, “All money is, is options. The more money you have, the more options you have.” If you rent, you have no freedom. You can’t do what you want, design wise, in the space you spend your whole life. You are stuck with white walls. Sometimes they’re eggshell. Sometimes they’re beige or light gray. But they’re white. And that is a shame because there are so many other amazing options.

I would spend every single day in this room and think about shapely behinds.

Why the fuck did wood paneling fall out of favor? For thousands of years humans looked at wood walls (unless you lived in an English Cottage, then your wall was just packed together manure and straw). It’s warm, organic, and interesting. I remember being a kid and just staring at the wood grain pattern and seeing all kinds of faces and shapes. It was something to do when my mom stole my modem because I spent all night on the internet and cut school again.

Yacht Rock and Smooth Jazz only please.

Stone is another great choice. Why did marble ever fall out of favor? I know it’s expensive, but it’s fucking marble. It’s got texture and grain, just like a wood wall, and it glints and glistens. Stone? Gives it an old timey castle vibe. Classically it makes for a great fireplace surround, but more than that, it can be used on a whole wall to create an interesting texture that looks amazing with uplighting. Brick is a great choice for that New York loft vibe.

As we talked about on Friday, Billy Baldwin was notorious for covering walls in fabric and linen. This is such a cool choice. It looks great and is stylish and warm.

This has everything. This is everything. I want to commit crimes of passion in this room.

What about wallpaper? They make some really amazing wallpapers these days that no one is using. You can basically print anything and put it up. But nope – wallpaper got a bad wrap for some reason as well. Who are these people who keep shitting on all the best timeless ideas? And their only idea to replace it? White walls. I’ve seen people paint a brick wall white. I wanted to die.

Let’s go further down the rabbit hole shall we?

Hi. My walls have little walls on them. It’s for my walls.

Wainscoting is amazing and relatively cheap. It makes spaces look large, rich and textured. You can even get creative and put things inside those little boxes. Like wood. Or wallpaper. Or stone. Or Marble. Or whatever. Wainscoting is cool and timeless.

Why haven’t we stayed this creative as a species?

You can get really creative mixing up textures. Woods, linens, metals, and glass. Do anything other than paint your fucking wall white. It’s like, we have this entire crayon box and you’re all like “Yo fam, can I get the white crayon?” This is your life and where you spend it. Your apartment isn’t a holding pattern until you get your shit together. Your home isn’t a “starter home” until you find something better.

You live your life every single fucking day. Do something. Anything. Don’t leave them white.

I expect more articles about walls in the future, but for now. I just want you to think about what you can do to your walls, now, that will make them interesting. And if you’re worried about your landlord, please read my article respectfully titled Fuck Your Landlord.

Until then, Down with the White Wall. Let’s have a great week!

This space makes me so happy. Bring back chrome baby.

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